A digital camera made in China by Toymax. If this isn’t about the stupidest camera …
Stupid thing #1: It takes one of those square 9 volt batteries, and batteries aren’t included. When I got it home and saw the deficiency… well … you know there’s only ONE place where a 9 volt battery can be found in the home. So, I climbed up to the ceiling to remove it from the smoke detector. Guess what? There wasn’t one in there. I ended up buying a two pack, so don’t worry about me.
Anyway, stupid thing #2: It makes more noise than a video game. It “dings” when you take a picture. It “honks” when it doesn’t take a picture. It doesn’t tell you why it can’t take the picture, it just makes the noise. Then, when the memory is full (which is about five images ), it makes a “clang, clang, clang” sound like a bell at the end of a wrestling bout. You know how when you replace the battery in your smoke detector? You know how it bleeps for about five seconds after the new battery is installed? Well, that’s 18 times less annoying than the sounds this camera makes.
Stupid thing #3: It’s got a fake viewfinder. WHAT does it need a fake viewfinder for when right next to it is a real viewfinder? It doesn’t even pretend to have a flash.
Stupid thing #4: The software that comes with the camera makes just as much noise. A guy who sounds just like a ring announcer starts telling you all the neat things you can do with this fabulous camera and software (Photosuite. But they call it Photo Slam). It gets old after about the eighth time you’ve opened the program. I can still hear him now, “Do cool things with your photos! …” Oh yeah! And every time you click on anything it makes an animated noise. Of course. Wanna hear the camera? I made a couple of movies …
Stupid thing #5: The least of this cameras worries, as far as I’m concerned, is the fact that it doesn’t actually work. You get, like I said before, about five images until you have to go dump them into your computer (through a serial port, by the way – 1999 technology). Expect at least two of the five images to be corrupted. I’ve also found that unless I squeeze the camera while downloading the images, the download won’t even occur.
Stupid thing #6: It doesn’t take photos in low light. It simply refuses. “HONK!” it says. So, why does it have a tripod mount? I guess that’s so you can use the self timer. You can bet that self timer sounds like a video arcade.
Stupid thing # 7: The kit retails for $74.99 at Kay-Bee. The person who gave it to me bought it for the marked down price of $9.99. If you bought this thing at $74.99 wouldn’t you expect it to at least have a built in flash? Oh – And we haven’t even gotten to the pictures yet…
Stupid thing #8; the pictures:
The clipart does rock. Posters, calendars, greeting cards. All with your favorite WWF superstars. Only problem is, you can’t really use the program to do cut outs like it shows in the promotional pictures on the packaging. Note my attempts to pit my dog against my cat in the wrestling ring, at right. I suppose a person could start with a different camera and different software, then use the Slam Cam software for its clipart … but I wouldn’t pay $74.99 just for that.
I have really enjoyed revisiting this review. The WWF is now called WWE … I think I remember that they were sued by World Wildlife Fund, or something. This was a while back. They lost the suit and were forced to change their name from World Wrestling Federation to World Wrestling Entertainment. Nothing around here has a serial port, dang it! Now I’m on a mission to find a serial port to USB adapter … Here’s an observation: Old film cameras – even cameras whose film is defunct – can make a photo. Broken film cameras can be forced to function. Other film sizes can be substituted. If an “old” digital camera doesn’t work, you’re stuck. This camera might work if I get an adapter, but if my computer won’t support the software, I’m screwed.
Oh wait! I take that back. I’m wrong. Pinhole. Remove the lens, attach a pinhole, scrape out the guts, make it lightproof and tape a strip of film inside. I’m considering it …
At least I know where there’s a 9 volt battery.
The other day I was on a podcast and the moderator referred to me as “the genuine original article”. I think I now know how the Fabulous Moolah felt when she returned to professional wrestling at age 76.